Monday, January 30, 2012

Sonho estranho/ sera msm estranho ou meu incosciente ta falando mais alto?

Hoje nao estou muito bem, na verdade tive uns sonhos estranhos, talvez possa chama-los de sonhos ruins/ pesadelos, mais talvez nao sejam tao ruins, mais verdadeiros.
Sonhei que tinha me divorciado...

 
divorcio eh um pecado
mais Jesus perdoa
assim como perduou Judas
assim como nos perdoa varias vezes
Jesus quer os pecadores
e ele vai me perdoar deu me divorciar pela felicidade d minha filha
minha e d Steve
eu as vezes acho, q a culpa nao eh d Steve
as vezes eu acho q eu nao sirvo pra ser casada
eu acho q eu tenho q viver sozinha
eu kero sim q a Laura tenha um pai
nossa, como eu kero
mais a gente pode ter um relacionamaento legal (steve e eu)
eu nao sou feliz hoje, e estou tentando me achar, se eh que dah pra me achar... 
o Steve me falou um dia: "o que vc esta sentindo eu senti a vida inteira... tipo eu trabalho pra pagar contas, minha vida eh boring, eu nao gosto de ser sozinha, kero fazer coisas mais fun, kero viajar mais enfim....
mais se ele viveu 31 anos d vida dele assim e pra ele ta ok - good for him. he doesn't know any better, entao pra ele ta bom assim... mais pra mim nao ta. pq I know a lot better, eu cresci viajando, vivendo a vida, sorrindo, tento minha familia perto e uma vida sempre agitada.
nao kero parecer uma ingrata, eu peco perdao pra Deus de estar reclamando d como me sinto pq sei q tem gente pior q eu, mais eh dificil ficar escondendo o q eu sinto e escondo pq sei q estou pecando...
 
Um amigo de minha amiga faleceu semana passada, 36 anos, 6 filhos, sempre feliz - morreu! assim, do nada. acabou tudo p ele! life is too short pra eu ficar aki sentada vendo ela passar e eu nao fazer nada.
 
Mais eu estou num ponto que eu nao sei o que fazer, eu estou perdida. Could it be mid life crises? 
Oh well I guess I will have to figure it out.
Combinei de ter uma talk com Steve. ele coitado mtas vezes nao tem culpa, a doida da historia sou eu!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Glasses? Cheers!

I am seating at my desk and wondering if I need glasses again. I am getting closer and closer to the computer when I want to read something. And once in a while I get a little headache too.

And than I think to myself... Am I going to seat in front of the computer my entire life?! Why did I choose this career? Sometimes I feel I need to change my life, drastically... like should I go back to Brazil? Should I move to another country again? Where should I go? But how am I gonna make money to survive and take care of my daughter? Sometimes I get myself thinking why wasn't I born rich? Or why didn't I marry some rich guy?! like the housewives of Bervelly Hills. I worked hard, I am smart, kind of cute, have a cool personality... don't know why.... so many questions and no answers....

Than God shows me a light, and I see that I am healthy, blessed with: a daughter, a husband, a house, a job, a car, friends, family, food at the table every single day, while some people are not! So why am I complaining?! Because the more you have, more you want. The more money you make, more you spend. The human being is never happy and that's why we need to understand you can't find happiness on material things but on moments of Joy that we will never get it back. So the time is now... I see that the happy moments I have are so simple and I don't need much. It took 27 years of my life for me to realize that...

Thank you Lord, for one more day...

"Com Deus me deito, com Deus me levanto, com a gracas de Deus e o Divino Espirito Santo."

Cheers - Um brinde a Vida!


Monday, November 28, 2011

@ work

...

I'm at work.... my desk is full of stuff to do after a holiday and weekend and I have no interest on doing anything....

Why?

I need to go back to work... but can't stop thinking about my baby who is 5 months old... I wish I could be with her right now...

gotta go. tchau.

Why?

Why did I decide to create a blog?! I am so busy already... BUT I feel like I need to write so later on I can understand myself better or even remember when I was feeling this... or that... bla bla bla....

I will write in English, Portuguese, Spanish, perhaps a little bit in Italian... I'm just a dreamer girl who wants to figure things out on my own... from Pindamonhangaba - SP - Brazil to Royersford - PA - United States.

A Brazilian crazy girl, who became a mother the other day.

Gotta go back to work... will be back later... LOVE - always...